


Soft the Drowsy Hours are Creeping

by Gee_Writes



Series: Skinny Jeans and Khaki [8]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Canon Trans Character, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Friendship, Greenie!Gon, Hipster!Killua, Love, M/M, Original Character(s), Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 20:53:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2202750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gee_Writes/pseuds/Gee_Writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life got hectic - assignments, study groups, exams.  It's no wonder he hasn't slept a full night for weeks, despite Gon's greatest efforts.<br/>Like now; Gon wearing that same face he did when he knew Killua was trying not to worry other people.<br/>But he's too tired to care.</p><p>Modern(?) AU where Killua is dead on his feet, and Gon takes over as most responsible person in the apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soft the Drowsy Hours are Creeping

He needed to sleep.

Eyes blurry, head a mess; he tried to push himself to stay focused on the garbled mess in front of him.  Sentences seemed to merge into themselves; phrases he was certain he wrote disappearing and reappearing.  It was reaching the point where Killua wasn't sure he even _knew_ the language anymore.

Grasping for his coffee cup he found it, once again, empty.  Blinking to the clock, it took a minute before he could even understand the hands.  3:47am. It was time for another cup.

Padding over to the kitchen quietly, he filled the electric kettle and pressed the power button – cleaned out his mug and searched around for the instant coffee as he waited for the water to come to a boil.  It was a last resort, something he'd bought and put discreetly at the back of the cupboard, lest Gon find it; Killua all too aware of Gon's views on the nutritional value of most coffees, let alone instant.  Normally he wouldn't touch the stuff, but studying had left him with little time to spare and absolutely desperate for easy caffeine.

Wherever he had put it though, was obviously too good of a hiding spot.

The kettle was whistling incessantly, high pitch breaking the early morning serenity.  Despite the steam's insistence to him to hurry, the can of coffee powder was missing and Killua was sure he was going mad.  He had left it _right here_.  Either he was blind, or it had walked off on its own.  Maybe it was just pushed back, hidden behind Gon's endless stacks of tea boxes.  Sticking his head deep in the cupboard seemed like a good idea.

A soft question of “Killua?” made him jump.  He didn't quite hit his head, but the speed in which he whirled around to face Gon made him dizzy.  Blinking rapidly to refocus, it took a minute before he could see his boyfriend standing by the edge of the countertop.  The other just waited patiently, expression concerned.  He hadn't seen that face for a while.  Months.  Not since Gon had found him half drunk and completely worried; where Killua had nearly made himself sick over telling Gon about Alluka – about whether any of this would work.

This, fortunately, wasn't nearly as important.  This.  This would be easy.

“Hey Gon, I was just,” hand moving to the counter to stop him wobbling, “looking for something to drink.  I.  I just need to finish this final paper, and then I'll come to bed,” Gon's eyes following the slow wavering of his body.  He was too tired to keep himself steady.

“Killua,” Gon's tone heavy, serious, “you should come sleep now.”  He was getting closer, closing the distance between.  He was probably moving slowly, but it felt like only a moment before Gon had a hand on his; brown eyes searching his face.

“N-no Gon, I.  I'm so close.  I'm nearly done.”  He _was_ sleepy.  So much so.  “It's not a lot, I promise.  Then I'll sleep.”  Despite his words, his head was drooping, falling on Gon's shoulder.  Eyes fluttering closed.  A hand came up to card through his hair, a kiss pressed to the back of his head.

“Do you need some help then?”  Killua knew it was worded as a question, but wasn't really.  Knew the other boy had already made up his mind if he thought it would get him to rest faster.

“Mmmn, OK.”  Gon's shoulder was comfortable; it made him look forward to just passing out together, close in bed.  “You can proofread whatever's done.  Make sure I don't sound like a complete idiot.”

“Heh, Killua, you could never sound like an idiot.”

“I could if I haven't slept for a day and a half, Gon,” small smile on his lips, nuzzling a little before raising his head up.  “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.  Now, what do you want to drink?”

“Something strong.  Coffee.”

“No, Killua.  I'll get you something better”

It shouldn't have surprised him when Gon came back with ginseng tea and a warm smile, but maybe his brain was finally shutting down from fatigue.

A sweet drink, and a sweeter kiss.

Perhaps he'd get to sleep sometime tonight after all.

 

* * *

 

13 hours.

He had spent 13 hours in the library, surrounded by other students, just as desperate in the final stretch before exam week.

Although he preferred the apartment, a couple of people in his marketing for business class had arranged a library cramming session – and in all honesty, he did prefer having other people to compare with.

His phone silently lit up beside him, unnoticed to the rest of the group.  Gon's face flashed on the screen, caller ID showing that it was the 10th call in as many hours.  Maybe it was time to take a break.

They were nearly through the coursework, someone in the group having painstakingly typed up a study guide – reading references, crucial points to cover, trend figures – Killua was impressed.  He was less impressed with the strict 'no phones, no distractions' rule.  Even their bathroom breaks were scheduled.

He stretched, arms up behind his head, shoulders popping loudly.  The sound drew the attention of his closest neighbour, a green-eyed girl with a lip ring – Dotta, Dorra, something along those lines – a knowing look of sympathy.  Luckily, they were basically done; everyone packing away, highlighting their last few phrases and moving to get feeling back in their extremities.

He filled his bag full of stapled booklets and textbooks, stationary haphazardly thrown into a front pocket.  He flicked open his phone and dialled his message service, automated voice informing him he indeed had10 messages, all from Gon.  They were, surprisingly, mostly made in the last hour and a half – the earlier ones mostly consisting of “are there any groceries you need?  Kurapika called.  Alluka's making pizza”; general stuff – only getting more frequent once the sun set.  The final message ended with a hopeful “call me?”  And Killua was about to do just that.  Until he saw Docca's? face, looking like she wanted to say something.

“Killua, right?”  Lashes fluttering, half-smile quirked.

“Yeah, um.  Docca?” throwing out his closest guess.  The way her eyes lit up at that, seems like he was right.

“I was wondering if you wanted to get a coffee, go over the bit about consumer trends,” hand reaching over to touch his forearm.  Dangerous look in her eyes.

“I'm going to have to decline, sorry.  It's been a long day,” shirking her hand off.  That, unfortunately, didn't seem to have gotten his point across, as she just replaced it, scooting closer in her chair.

“Oh, just one cup.  Or,” half a shrug, “we could relax some other way.  Keep ourselves sane before exams.”

Obviously, diplomacy wasn't going to work.

“My boyfriend is expecting me at home, so again, I'll have to decline.”  He took a little joy from watching her eyes widen slightly at that, pulling her hand back in embarrassment.  The scene was only enhanced by the perfectly timed buzz of his phone – Gon once again calling.  This time, he answered.

“ _Killua, I'm here.  Where are you?_ ”

“Fourth floor, Gon.  You didn't have to come all the way here.  I was actually on my way back right now.”

“ _I didn't want to wait at home.  Alluka's gone out with Delser, so I thought we should get something to eat whilst we're out anyway._ ”

“That sounds nice; I'll meet you in the lobby in just a minute.”

“ _OK.  See you then_ ,” static-y exhale, “ _I love you, Killua._ ”

“I love you too, idiot,” hanging up as he reached the elevator.  Happy as he left the remnants of the study group behind – really happy to see his unwarranted _admirer_ still sitting, a little shell-shocked.  Well, not his fault.  Not _really_.

As the elevator doors slid open, he saw Gon, waiting.  Hands in pockets, and shoulders raised.  Bouncing on the balls of his feet.  When he saw him though, his face lit up, bright and sunny.  Killua felt energised; better than he had all day.

“Killua!”  Gon waving his arm, as if the other boy could miss him.  He smiled nonetheless.

“Hey Gon, sorry about today.  Strictly no phone calls – ridiculous.”  Sliding beside him.  Fitting in place.

“That's OK, Killua; I was just a little lonely, is all,” smile a little more sheepish than normal, “as long as you're free now.”

“As free as a bird.”  He tilted his head, trying to fill as much of his apology into the kiss.  Felt Gon strong against him.  Accepting.

He honestly didn't know what he did to deserve him.  Someone so wonderful, someone who loved him so much.

He was more than lucky.  So, so much moreso.

Linking fingers, he smiled at Gon – could see his worn-out reflection in the brown eyes – and posed the question.

“So, any idea where we're going?”

“Anywhere.  Just so long as I don't have to share you with anyone else,” eyes following Docca as she left.  Killua still in awe at his uncanny senses in some things.

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

As soon as he turned his phone back on after leaving the examination hall, it buzzed and flashed in urgency.  2 calls from Delser – _15_ calls from Gon.

All of a sudden he felt very, _very_ sick.

He punched the redial button and hitched his bag higher up his shoulder in preparation to run.  The ring and a half seemingly an eternity before Gon picked up – cutting in before Gon could say anything.

“What's wrong?  What's happened?”

“ _Nanika -_ ” OK, **Nanika** , not Alluka, “ _-has been asking for you.  I've tried to tell her you would be home soon, but she's getting pretty upset – when do you think you can get back?_ ”

“I'm on my way right now.  Do you know why Nanika's come out?  Did -” his voice dropped lower, “-did something happen, with _him_.”

“ _I've already asked what happened; but he's still here, if you want to talk to him?_ ”

“Yes, Gon.  Put him on.”

It took a moment, and he could hear Gon moving to the other room.  Could hear the pass over.

“ _Hello?  Killua?_ ”

“Delser.  What happened?”  Voice serious.

“ _We were just at the park.  She seemed a little down, so I wanted to cheer her up.  I was apologising that exams had made me busy, and asked her how things had been.  All of a sudden she was asking for you, looking really confused.  She – she didn't want anything to do with me, so I tried calling a couple times.  I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were in an exam!  Gon answered when I phoned him, and he was able to get Alluka home –_ ”

“Nanika.  Right now, she's Nanika.”

“ _Oh.  OK.  Right.  So, Gon got her home, and I followed.  I'm sorry; I didn't know if you'd want me to leave, and Gon said it was alright if I stayed.  I can -_ ”

“No, Delser.  It's OK; you did the right thing.  I'll be home as quickly as I can.”  He took a deep breath, trying to sound as convincing as possible.  “Everything will be alright.”

He was 5 blocks away, glad the apartment was close to his campus.  Glad he had nothing in his bag weighing him down.  He slipped his phone into his pocket, and picked up his speed.  Wondered how long his sister had been upset.  Wondering how upset _upset_ was, for Gon to call so many times.  Well, he'd see soon enough.

It took another minute to reach their floor, so he took the time to breathe and calm down.  It wouldn't help for Nanika to see him all upset too.  He was her Killua, strong and reliable.

As he stepped into the apartment, it was eerily quiet in the main rooms – Delser looking up, hopeful, from his spot on the couch.  He gave a nod towards Alluka's room where quiet crying sounds and the murmur of Gon's voice were coming from; Killua returning the nod in thanks.

It only took half a knock before Gon opened the door, relief clear in his eyes.

“Look, Nanika!  What did I say?”

He heard a snuffling of a nose as she wiped it on her sleeve, tear tracks still running down her cheeks.

“Killua?  Killua is here?”

“Hey, Nanika, here I am.”  He sat beside her on the bed, arms circling around her shoulders.  “No need to be sad anymore, OK?”

“You were gone, Killua.  Where did you go?”

“I had to go do something important, but I'm all done now.  I wasn't gone very long.”  His shirt was getting covered in snot and tears when she burrowed her face into his chest, but he couldn't care less.  The hand he had patting her head was calming her breathing too.  “Can you tell me why you came out, Nanika?”

“I haven't seen you in a long time.  I was lonely, Killua.  But you weren't there.”  Another set of tears seemed to well at that.

“Hey, hey, don't cry.  I'm sorry Nanika, I've been really, really busy.  I've been really lonely too; I haven't been able to spend time with Gon, or Alluka, or you – and you guys have been way too patient with me.”  She was looking up at him now, a little happier.  “Will you forgive me, Nanika?”

Another tear slipped down her face, but she seemed calmer now.  “OK, Killua.  I love you, Killua.”

“I love you, too,” Gon standing in the doorway, looking on, happy.  Another, more timid head, peeking from behind him.  “And I want to introduce you to a new friend, Nanika.”

“A new friend for me, Killua?”

“Of course.  He's very important to Alluka, so I hope you can become good friends,” a statement for both the girl clutching his arm, and the boy halfway hiding in the hallway, “he can keep you company if I'm too busy.  He's very nice.”

“Do you like him, Killua?”

 “I do.  He's a good person, and looks after Alluka when I can't,” he could see the younger boy's eyes widen in surprise at that; felt a little embarrassed now that he'd said it out loud.

“Killua,” voice coming from the doorway, “can I talk to her?”

“Yeah, Delser; come introduce yourself.”

After initial introductions, he allowed the brunet to take his spot on the bed, sitting side-by-side with his sister.  Left the door open, but gave them their privacy.  Let them know he and Gon were only in the other room.  Let out a long exhale as they sat on the couch.

“It's been a while since Nanika's felt the need to come out; Alluka's been happy.”  He brought a hand to his head.  “Is this my fault, Gon?”

“No, Killua.”

“Nanika only takes over when Alluka is worried about rejection.  _Abandonment_.”

“You've been busy.  We've both been busy.  You've had all your course work, then exams right after.  I've had biological quadrants to survey pretty much every day.  If anything, we're both to blame.”

Gon had his hand; both sitting back, worn out from worry. They could hear Nanika, happy in the other room.

“Gon, I just – I'm so tired.  And I'm so relieved this all worked out.  We're both lucky,” didn't have to see Gon to feel the question in his eyes, “Alluka and I.  I found you, she found him.”  Eyes closed and heavy breath as he shifted.  “Are we allowed to be this lucky?”

“I'm the lucky one, Killua.”

“We're all lucky, then.”

“I'll agree to that.”

And together they sat.

 

It was sometime later when Delser rejoined them, Killua quietly stirring, having had dozed off.  He was wearing his soft smile, apologetic look at waking him.

“Sorry, I, um.  She's asleep now; just nodded off against my shoulder once the conversation had slowed down.”

“And, Delser, how did you get on with Nanika?”

“She's very affectionate, sweet.  Not that different from Alluka – younger, maybe.  She's quite timid too, which is very unlike Alluka.  We didn't talk about too much.  She wanted to know long I had been Alluka's friend.  I.  I told her that we haven't been friends long, but we're very close.  That I hoped we could be friends too.”  The look in his eyes was fond; full.  Killua knew that look.  Knew it so, so well.

“Nanika doesn't take over much anymore; Alluka hasn't really needed her to.  It's something like DID, I think.  Um.  Dissociative Identity Disorder.”  It wasn't hard to talk about, not really.  Nanika had been a part of their lives for as long as he could remember – it was normal.  It was only days like today when he remembered that for most people, it wasn't.  “She hasn't been diagnosed formally or anything – our parents don't care enough for that; but she's not – she doesn't have episodes like this often.  She was just confused, lonely.”  He leant forward where he sat, hands on his knees.  “It's an assurance thing, I think.  Nanika craves praise; she wants to feel useful to other people.  She mostly shows up when Alluka is feeling stressed about rejection or abandonment.”

“And today...”

“I'm sorry you found out like this,” hand reaching for his forehead, “I thought Alluka would want to tell you on her own; but I should have mentioned it, at least.  You don't deserve all this confusion – all this worry about.  About someone you love so much.”  Saw how pink that turned the brunet, looking down to focus on a bit of dry skin on his thumb.  “Delser; I – I know this is a lot to ask, but please.  Do you think,” breath held, “you could look after them both?  I know that sounds weird, but Nanika is a very important part of Alluka – she might not make herself known all that often, but she does have feelings.  It's -”

“Killua.”  Gon's hand on his, his voice stopping him – brought his attention to the boy he was addressing.

“Yeah, um.  You don't have to worry,” finger scratching the side of his nose.  “Nothing's changed for me.  If Alluka, or; or if Nanika is worried, we can talk about it.  I want them to know how important they are to me.  Even if...  Well, no matter what.”

Gon got up at that, heading to the kitchen.  It took Killua a second to realise _oh, the sun's set.  When did that happen?_

Sorting through their cupboards, it took a minute before Gon leant back towards the two.

“Is pasta OK?  We don't have enough fish for four people,” Gon seemed surprised when only Killua nodded back; the architecture student just looking confused.  “You'll stay for dinner, right?  Alluka will want to spend some time with you, after all.”

The speed in which Delser stood up and thanked them was comical – with Gon's loud peals of laughter distracting from Killua's sly grin.

They were so loud, in fact, none of them noticed when Alluka crept to the door; watching her boys fondly as they bustled around in the small kitchen.  Giggling at Gon's “AH!” of realisation when he saw her.  And Killua was pretty sure he was the only one who noticed the shade of pink her ears were when she slid beside Delser, cutting onions and trying not to tear up.

Tonight's meal would be delicious, Killua thought.

 

* * *

 

His head was thrown back, Gon between his legs.

Halfway between rational thought and complete disconnect from his brain, he was a mess of emotions.  A mess of saliva and hickeys, too; but mostly emotions.  Just as he was wondering just _when_ Gon had learnt that thing with his tongue, all it took was another flick before he realised he really didn't care.

It was too much.  Too much after three weeks.  Couldn't register anything outside of the hot suction of Gon's mouth.  The long groan shared between them.  The feeling of soaring.

Gon. _Gon. **Gon.**_

 

. . .

 

It surprised him he didn't fall asleep straight away – he certainly felt tired enough to.  Instead, he just lay there, eyes closed as he felt Gon crawl up beside him.  Thick arm strewn across his chest, as they both just breathed, even and slow.

His brain most likely hadn't returned yet, because the first words out of his mouth were, “I told her to leave once.”

Gon didn't so much as stutter in his breathing, almost allowing Killua to assume the boy on top of him had, in fact, already fallen asleep.  The slight humour in his tone when he replied with “who?” a second later, assured him that he hadn't.

“Nanika,” not sure why he was telling this story _now._ He really needed to work on his timing.  “I told her that she could never come out.”  A long pause.  “I made her cry.”

“Why?”

“I thought it would make Alluka happy.”  He exhaled in a half-laugh, more breath than anything.  “She got really angry, and forced me to apologise right away.”  Slowly blinking his eyes open, he was a little surprised to see Gon looking for something in his expression.  Gave a self-deprecating smile.  “I was really stupid when I was younger.”

“Well, I once got a mother foxbear killed for attacking me.”  He shifted to his shoulder, eyes closing as his forehead touched the side of Killua's head.  Breath ghosting over his shoulder.  “Everyone makes mistakes when they're young, Killua.  It's what we learn from them that makes them important.”

That made him turn his head, face closer; mischievous smirk.

“When did you get so smart?”

“Hey,” a gentle knock to his arm, “I've always been smart.”

That got a genuine smile.

“I know, idiot.”

And with Gon warm beside him; he finally,

 

 _finally_ ,

 

fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you everyone for reading!
> 
> I hope this turned out alright, and that you all enjoyed it. It took me a while to finish, but I got there in the end.  
> As the penultimate entry into this series, I'd again like to thank everyone who's read and enjoyed my work thus far. You guys are all so sweet! This never would have gotten this long without all your encouragement, and I'm glad to have been able to contribute something that so many people seem to enjoy.
> 
> And, of course, BIG thanks to [wartransmission](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission), who really, really helped me out.  
> What would I do without you, friend.
> 
> And lastly, the title is taken from the lullaby 'All Through the Night.'
> 
> If you want to leave me a message, or just chat HxH, my tumblr is compulsive-bibliotaph.tumblr.com
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/WritingGee)!


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